Asking for Help Is Not Weakness — It’s Leadership

I hate asking for help.

I’ve carried that truth for most of my life. It shows up quietly, disguised as independence, grit, and self-reliance. It sounds responsible. It looks strong. And for a long time, I told myself it was just how I was wired.

In my new book, The Upside Down Leader, I talk about this truth: Some of our most celebrated strengths become our most dangerous shadows when we stop paying attention.

When I’m at my best, I understand something simple and grounding. I can’t do it all alone. I don’t have to. Leadership was never meant to be a solo sport.

When I’m in my shadow, though, I lean hard into independence. I tell myself I should be able to handle it. That asking for help would slow things down. It’s easier to do it myself.

What actually happens is something else entirely.

I get tired. I get stretched thin. And eventually, I get annoyed that no one is helping me.

That’s the quiet irony of the Upside Down. I’m frustrated with others for not showing up, even though I never gave them the chance.

Independence Isn’t the Enemy. Isolation Is.

Independence, on its own, isn’t a bad thing. It’s how many of us have survived. It’s how we learned to take responsibility, to follow through, to be dependable. The problem begins when independence becomes armor rather than strength.

In the Upside Down, independence sounds like: I’ll just handle it.
In daylight, it sounds like: Who can help me think this through?

One closes doors. The other opens them.

When we refuse to ask for help, we unintentionally send a message that we don’t need anyone else. Over time, people stop offering. Not because they don’t care, but because they respect the boundary we set.

Then we wonder why leadership feels lonely.

People Want to Help

This took me a long time to learn.

Most people want to be useful. They want to contribute. They want to know their effort matters. Asking for help isn’t a burden. It’s an invitation. It tells someone, I trust you. I value your perspective. I can’t do this without you.

That’s not a weakness. That’s leadership.

When you help people get what they want, they are far more willing and able to help you get what you want. Not in a transactional way, but in a human one. Trust compounds. Support multiplies.

Asking for Help Builds Better Leaders

As leaders, our focus shouldn’t be on proving how capable we are. It should be about helping others grow and succeed. When we ask for help, we model something powerful to those watching us.

We show them it’s okay not to have all the answers. We show them that collaboration matters more than ego. We show them leadership isn’t about control. It’s about connection.

Teams don’t grow when leaders carry everything. They grow when leaders share responsibility and create space for others to step up.

Staying Out of the Shadow

The shadow shows up when we confuse self-reliance with self-worth. When we believe our value comes from doing everything ourselves. When asking for help feels like failure instead of wisdom.

Daylight leadership asks a different question: What would be healthier right now?

Sometimes the healthiest move isn’t pushing harder. It’s pausing long enough to say, “I need support.”

Leadership done right is shared weight, shared ownership, and shared wins.

And sometimes, the most important leadership move you can make is simply asking for help.